How Valuable are Fathers?

On family vaca goofin' off. It's what we do!

As we approach this Father’s day I thought I’d jot down a few thoughts that I’ve had lately about the importance that we put on fatherhood and how we recognize or don’t recognize fathers these days.  As I was driving back to work this afternoon from a lunch with my parents, both sets of grandparents and my lovely (and prego) wife and son; I heard a local afternoon radio sports commentator say about Father’s Day, “Well, Happy Father’s day to all you dads out there.  I thought I’d say it because nobody else probably will.  Let’s admit it, Father’s Day ISN’T Mother’s Day.  Don’t expect to be catered to this weekend.” So even though I’m sure that his comment was meant to be tongue and cheek and in good humor the fact of the matter is…. that he’s right.  Our society simply doesn’t value the role of the Father in the family unit as much as it used to or as much as it should.  I won’t pretend to be an expert on why that is.  Could have been because of the absence of fathers during war time in the early 1900s, and women realizing that they could support the family and raise the kids on their own.  Could have been due to the “free love” movement or the “women’s lib” movement of the 1960s.  Who knows?  What I do know is that somewhere along the way Father’s began to be less valued and have less expected of them, and it seems in some sense that some (not all of course) have lived up to those expectations. So let’s get back to the question that is the title of this Post:  How Valuable are Fathers?  Let’s look at some numbers.

• According to 72.2 % of the U.S. population, Absentee Fathers is the most significant family or social problem facing America.
•  An estimated 24.7 million children (36.3%) live absent from their biological father.
• There are almost 17 million children (25%) living with their single mothers.
•  1.25 million or 32% of all births in 1995 were out-of-wedlock.
• About 40% of the children who live in absentee father households haven’t seen their fathers in at least a year while 50% of children who don’t live with their fathers have never stepped foot in their father’s home.
• Children who live absent from their biological fathers, on average, are more likely to be poor, experience educational, health, emotional and psychological problems, be victims of child abuse, and engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological mother and father.

 A white teenage girl from an advantaged background is five times more likely to become a teen mother if she grows up in a single-mother household with an absentee father than if she grows up in a household with both biological parents.A survey of over 20,000 parents found that when fathers are involved in their children’s education including attending school meetings and volunteering at school, children were more likely to get A’s, enjoy school, and participate in extracurricular activities and less likely to have repeated a grade.

• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)
• 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
• 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Center for Disease Control)
• 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978.)
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.)
• 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Source: Rainbows for all God`s Children.)
• 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)
• 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)

So, how important does it appear that a Father’s role in the family is?  It’s not just important that a Father be present but be active in the lives and development of his children. There’s a lot more to being a good Father then just making sure the bills get paid and that there’s a roof over your family’s head and food on the table.  Being engaged in what your kids are interested in, what they’re doing or not doing on a daily basis is important to their development. Knowing that their Dad is interested in them and cares about how they’re doing is vital to raising a healthy child.

Something that I think will help increase the effectiveness of Father’s these days is simply expecting more of them and recognizing the important role that a Father plays in the family.  He’s more than a bread winner.  He’s more than muscle around the house.  He’s more than the guy that likes to talk sports and be crude every once in awhile and act like a high school kid with his buddies.   He should be expected to be more than just “THE MAN OF THE HOUSE”.

Men may not be inherently nurturing but we can be encouraging.  The encouragement of a Father goes a long way to building up the self image and self worth of his son or daughter.  A Dad’s interest and love will show his children what to expect out of themselves and what to expect out of their future mate.

      DADS LISTEN UP!  

Do you want your daughter to pick the right guy that treats her like a lady should be treated and respects her and puts her on a high pedestal?   Then set the bar HIGH for what she should expect out of a man during her formative years, because she’ll look for someone (consciously or unconsciously) that reminds her of YOU!   Do you want your son to be a stand up guy that influences people and has upstanding character and ethics in everything that he does?  Set the expectation high for your sons as they are growing and watching you and they’ll rise to the expectations that are set for them.

Okay…. I guess I’m coming to the end of my rant.   The point is….. let’s value the role of the father in our families because he’s really way more important and vital to having a strong family unit than I think anyone realizes.   The numbers don’t lie.

Happy Father’s Day!

Rwanda – Day 3/4 (TOMS Shoe drops)

This is a little boy that was very excited about his new shoes.

The last couple of days have been some of the most rewarding and life enriching days I’ve had maybe in my entire life.   Today and yesterday we worked with TOMS shoes on what they call “shoes drops”.  TOMS shoe’s business model is based around the idea of  “One for One”.  For every item you buy from TOMS they give a pair of their TOMS shoes to a person (mostly children) in need.  So what we’ve been doing the last couple of days is being the hands and feet that get to carry out this amazing experience of giving children in real need a pair of brand new shoes.   In the US we may have two, five, ten or more pairs of shoes; some of which we may hardly wear.   Heck we may decide we don’t like our current pair of shoes after this season even.   Well, the children here will wear the shoes that they have (that they may have received second or third hand) until they literally disintegrate off of their body.

Our first shoe drop we conducted on Monday 3.29.2010.  We went up into the mountains to a hospital and school called Shyira.   The drive up the mountain was narrow, curvy, and very treacherous.  The roads were muddy and rocky and we were driving awfully close to the edge of the road that had quite the drop off.  Just seeing the people in villages along the way was an experience in itself.  I could’ve gone home after that drive and been impacted plenty from what I saw.   You saw lots of mud houses; people working in the fields, little children (under the age of 2) walking near the streets with tattered clothes.  The site would be enough to bring tears to your eyes.  But as sad and heart wrenching as it was to initially see them like that, the smiles on their faces were enough to bring joy to your heart.  At no point did you see self-pity in their eyes or anger on their face.  These people are in the business of survival, they don’t have time for pity parties.

We got to the hospital after probably a 30 to 45 min bumpy, mud slinging ride and as we pulled into the area where the hospital was everyone of course started to come out to see the Muzungus (means white person in many Bantu languages of east, central and southern Africa).  As we pulled down the road and little way to where the school was, probably 200 or more children began to run out to meet our trucks and they were yelling and laughing and just so excited to see us coming.  I’m not sure if they knew they were getting shoes that day or not.  It was definitely a site to see.   So we carried several big boxes of shoes into a big indoor pavilion type building that was wide open and began unboxing the shoes and  organizing them in preparation for the kids coming.

First shoe drop. Gave 250 pairs of shoes to kids that really needed them.

So what we did was bring in probably 6 kids at a time, fit them and then give them shoes.   It was an amazing experience to be able to give them clean, new shoes and then watch their faces light up as they walk away in them.  NO BETTER FEELING!!  After the kids were given their shoes they went out and played with some of the folks that were there with us working on the shoe drop.  So it was an all around great day of giving and playing and just loving on kids.

This morning (3.30.2010 as I write this) we went to a local boarding school called Sonrise Academy in Musanza.  This school has become one of, if not the premier schools in Rwanda.  Apparently a former President’s children and several other “important” folks in the Country send their children there, but the majority of the kids there are either orphans to kids from very poor villages that have shown some promise and have been sponsored in order to attend the school.  Although this is a great school the majority of the children there are still poor and don’t have the best of things.  So we handed out more shoes today and it was an awesome experience as well.

There’s just not enough good things to say about the experiences I’ve had here.   Tonight after an authentic Rwandan dinner we were treated to some traditional dancing, drumming and singing.  It was flipping amazing and I have the video to prove it.  I’ll post some as I get them uploaded.  The internet here is decent but not great enough to upload a ton of video so I’ll have to do that whenever I get home.

Tomorrow = Gorilla Trekking .   Many good pictures and experiences to come from that I’m sure.

Stay Tuned!!

Rwanda – Day 2

Our group at Cafe Continental (very authentic Rwandan food).

Today we had the opportunity to attend the consecration of the new Archbishop of Rwanda.  We drove from Kigali to Musanze which took approximately two hours through mountainous terrain and poorly maintained roads.   When we arrived in Musanze we realized that the whole town had pretty much shutdown in order to be able to attend this event.  President Paul Kagame even made a surprise visit (we knew he was coming) to the event.  Apparently he pulled up to the hotel that the event was being held at driving his own Range Rover (with security detail in tow).

It rains here quite a bit.  When I say it rains, it pours.  Right now we’re hanging out at the Bridge 2 Rwanda house in Musanze.  We’re hanging on the back patio/breeze way with the two TOMS representatives and just talking about the company culture at TOMS.  Wow what a cool place TOMS shoes is and their people are super super cool.

After talking with the TOMS folks for a good while, Kris Allen and his wife showed up (I’m actually typing this post while Kris is sitting right next to me) and we’ve been hanging out with them all night.  They’ve been gracious enough to answer all of our questions about their life now and are just extremely down to earth folks.

This has been an amazing experience already and we’ve only been here for a day.  This place is beautiful and the people are so nice.  It’s really nothing like most people think of African nations I’m sure.  Of course from what we’ve heard, it’s not really like other African nations, it’s much more progressive at this point.

Well, I’m looking forward to the experiences tomorrow has to offer and I’ll be sure to try and blog about it.

A Lesson in Faith : Don’t let your faith be Timid

The NLC group at the airport early for the long trip to Rwanda

At this very moment I’m on a plane flying to Newark, NJ. Once I get there I have a seven hour layover before hopping a plane to Brussels, Belgium, and from there I’ll grab a flight to Kigali, Rwanda. Right now I feel so blessed and fortunate to be on this trip because it almost didn’t happen. It almost didn’t happen for me because my faith was timid.
Let me first say that the Lord knows that I love to travel. I love most everything about it (except staying overnight in airports). I love the airport, I love being on a plane, I love navigating different city’s and going from here to there. God has put an adventurers spirit in me that requires fulfillment and over the past year I’ve had the opportunity to do a lot of traveling and I’m so thankful for that. If you’re not sure that God knows your desires, and wants to see them fulfilled as much as you do, let me tell you that he DOES!
Many of you know that Trina and I are going to Rwanda this summer on a mission’s trip with our church (www.newlifechurch.tv). It’s something we’ve been dreaming and praying about for a year or so now and it’s finally coming to fruition this year. Well, about a month or so ago I was asked if I’d be interested in going with a small leadership team that would go to Rwanda in order to train and determine the areas that we could serve in when returning with a larger group later in the summer. Before I tell you about my initial answer to this opportunity and the lesson I learned let me tell you about the amazing relationships that have been formed leading up to this trip and the opportunities those relationship have afforded us.
We’ve been blessed to be able to partner up with two amazing organizations; the first being Bridge2Rwanda (www.bridge2rwanda.org) and TOMS shoes (www.tomsshoes.com). Bridge2rwanda is a nonprofit organization that is dedicated to the “resurrection” of Rwanda after the devastating genocide that the country experienced in 1994. B2R has people living and working within Rwanda to help educate the people of Rwanda so that they will have the skills necessary to bring their economy back to life.
During this genocide there were approximately 1.17 million people massacred. Due to that devastating event Rwanda’s economy and social infrastructure was devastated. Fast-forward 16 years and the country has experienced a mending and forgiveness that can only be described as a God breathed miracle. There is no other way to explain the forgiveness and reconciliation seen between victim and perpetrator than the fact that God has moved on this country. When you read and learn about the unimaginable things that were done to the people in Rwanda at the hands of their own neighbors and countrymen, it’s unthinkable that there could be any capacity for human forgiveness. The only way to label it is supernatural.
We’ve also had the awesome opportunity to work with TOMS shoes. They’re slogan “One for One” describes their mission to assure that every child/person in need has a pair of shoes. So we’ll be helping with a TOMS “Shoe Drop”, where we’ll be handing out anywhere from 1000 to 1500 pairs of shoes. When we bring the larger group in the summer I’ve heard we’ll be handing out somewhere close to 30,000 pairs of shoes.

Ok, so let’s get back to the lesson I learned through the events leading up to going on this trip. Like I said earlier, I was given the opportunity initially to accompany some leaders from our church on this trip and my initial response was that, sure I wanted to go but I thought the cost associated with going, in addition to the funds we were working on raising for our summer trip were just too much to ask. So I told them no, that I didn’t think I’d be able to go. It didn’t take too long for me to regret that decision but the spots for the trip filled quickly. I resolved that it must not have been God’s plan for me to go, but I still wanted to go. So I started believing for another opportunity to come up for me to go. Now, remember at this point, I don’t have the money to go, I haven’t applied for my passport yet, and all the spots for the trip have been filled.
One day I was talking to my mom and I was telling her about the opportunity and all that was involved. She said to me, “Well, are you going!” ? I told her that I didn’t have the money and all the spaces had been filled so I wasn’t going. She said, “I’d give you the money.” At that moment I couldn’t believe that I’d had so little faith in God’s ability to provide the way. So at this point, I’ve got a commitment for the money to go to Rwanda but there’s not a spot available and I’d just applied for my passport on 3/3/10 and they were leaving on 3/26/10. It still didn’t appear that I was going to be able to go still but I knew that God could provide a way and so I continued to believe for it. I’ll spare you all the details because this post has already gotten much longer than I intended. Through a series of conversations (unknown to me) there was another spot that was made available for me and it just so happened to come about the day that the plane tickets HAD to be purchased. So I told Jared (the pastor leading our team) that I was IN!! I couldn’t believe how this all had come about. I mean it was literally THE day that the tickets had to be ordered and I was getting a call telling me that I could go. What an awesome example of faith at work and God coming through.
I was amazed at what God had put together in such a short amount of time and under such unusual circumstances. The piece of the puzzle but the most important was that I didn’t have a passport yet. THAT’S KINDA IMPORTANT. So I called the State Department and they said they’d just received my application (3/10/10). I asked them if I could expedite the application and have it overnighted and thankfully they said yes, I could. So after a couple of hounding calls to them by me asking to make sure it was going to make it by the 3/26 departure date I got my passport on 3/18, just 8 days before we were to leave. All the pieces were in place and I was going to Rwanda. All this happened within a matter of two weeks.
I wrote all of this (and sorry it’s so long) to let those that are reading it know that God can do huge things but you first have to BELIEVE. I wonder how many opportunities and amazing things I’ve missed out on in my life because I’ve had timid faith. I’ve never really thought that I had a problem with faith but I realized that depending on the situation and whether it’s something I think is too big that I have lacked the faith necessary to see things happen. Well, I’ve learned my lesson. No more selling God short. No more having weak faith. All I have to do is Believe It and Claim It…… God HAS done the rest.

Wishing Away Life for the Weekend?

Everybody’s Working For The Weekend

A friend made a simple comment today on Facebook that prompted a thought that I’m sure I’ve had plenty of times before, but it prompted a response today in the form of this post. His comment was simply, “Gonna Be a Long Day”. I’ve also heard others say (and I know I’ve been one of them) things like, “I wish the weekend would hurry up and get here,” or “it’s gonna be a long week, dreaming of the weekend.” It makes me think, “how much of our lives are we wishing away only to spend a Saturday in uncommitted, lazy bliss and the next day dreading the return to the life (week) that we dread?”

I believe that through some of my own struggles, that God has ignited a passion in me to see people break out of leading the life that they dread and go after the life that they look forward to and love! I hate seeing people drudge through their day to day lives with their only relief being the weekend or some short vacation. If this state of life is not identified, then one day, these individuals that are aimlessly trudging through existence, will come to the end of their lives and realize that their God-given potential has gone untapped. Life is way too short to dread the day to day.

In the Bible, James 4:14 says, “Yet you do not know [the least thing] about what may happen tomorrow. What is the nature of your life? You are [really] but a wisp of vapor (a puff of smoke, a mist) that is visible for a little while and then disappears [into thin air].” Given that passage and the short amount of time that I have, I want it to count for something. I don’t want to let fear cripple me into a safe life. Let’s be honest, if you were to ask 10 people if they were happy and fulfilled in their life, I’d bet 8 or 9 of them would tell you “no”, that they’d really like to be doing something else with their lives. The inspiring truth of the matter is, there’s really nothing or no one standing in our way of pursuing that greater purpose or that dream of an existence. Now, don’t confuse that last statement with a declaration that achieving your dream life will be easy because it most likely won’t be, but during the process of going after a dream or a life you love living you will experience what it really is to LIVE.

You may not know what your dream is or you may have just had a dream and lost it. I was one of those that had a dream growing up and then lost sight of it. When I really started asking myself what I’d like to be doing with my life, or what I felt like God had put me here for, I had a real hard time answering that question. Through continuous searching and a real craving for that purpose, I feel like God has once again restored a dream inside of me and I know he will do it for every single person that really seeks out his perfect plan. I have to be honest, the dream that God gave me isn’t one that I would’ve ever dreamed up for myself and that’s one of the things that really makes me believe it’s from him. The cool thing however is, even though I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of this dream on my own (and it seemed really random at the time) it has the potential to involve all the things that I dreamed about and enjoyed when I was younger. Pretty cool how that works out.

So, I say all that to say this; don’t let any “man-made” obstacles (you) get in your way of living a life that you love EVERY day. We are so much more powerful than we realize and we are bigger (through Christ) than our circumstances. God did not send his son down here to give it ALL, so we could live a mediocre existence. So have a serious heart to heart with God and let him know that you’re ready to live your life with purpose and then look for his answer.

I’m not there yet but I’M GOING FOR IT!!

Portland Experience

Ahhh…. Breakfast (last full day in Portland)

Just thought I’d share what I made for breakfast this morning. $1…. Take that McDonalds!

Albina Press Coffee Shop

What a day of encouragement……

There’s not really any one thing I want to point to this evening but God has really sent several encouraging words to me today through different friends. God is so amazing when you really do your best to follow his lead. REALLY following his lead is something new to me I think. I mean I think all of us would like to think that we follow God and abide by his plan but I’m not really sure that I always have. It’s almost like giving yourself “lip service”. Not that I’ve arrived or anything but I can definitely see God doing things lately even in small ways.

Like earlier this week I was feeling a little downish. I think it was a combination of different things. The weather here isn’t my kind of weather, away from the family, and the magnitude of starting a business kinda hit me. Plus I’d been forgetting to have some time with God in the mornings. I’m out of my morning routine here so it kinda slipped my mind. So the past couple of mornings I’ve been focusing on just talking to God a little, and yesterday/last night I just really asked him to encourage me in some way and to confirm what I’m doing, and today my day started off immediately with a call from a friend that really had some encouraging words (and I don’t talk to this friend much). Then I’ve received several other messages via email and/or Facebook from people really encouraging me. It’s almost like God is saying, “you asked for encouragement… and so here ya go”.

Thank you Lord…..

Quick check in ….. (still in Portland)

Ok, so I got an email from my mother this morning wanting to make sure that I was still here. She was checking in to see if I’d been getting enough rest, sleep, and food, and she was wondering if I felt safe. Hahahaha….. I guess recording all my videos in the morning or at night would make you think that I’m not getting enough rest just because I look so rough at those times. Trina commented on the bags under my eyes. Haha! Oh, and I guess the little titles on my videos about random strangers may cause some to be alarmed but I assure you I’m just being comical.

I may not be going to bed early enough but I’m sleeping probably 7 or so hours a night. The people here are pretty much your “hippy, earthy” type of folks. They’re all really nice and pretty low key for the most part. This place is very clean and well put together for what it is. Laundry facilities, full kitchen with free bagels, $1 all you can eat pancakes, two refrigerators for groceries you want to bring in, so it’s a good place.

I got a call from a friend that I don’t typically get to talk to that much and he was telling me about someone in his town that he believes has started or was interested in starting a coffee house business. He wanted to know if I’d be interested in him getting us hooked up over the phone to “talk a little shop”. Of course I was interested. Then I got to talk to one of our pastors via Facebook last night and he gave me some ideas about possible locations for my coffee shop that I really hadn’t considered up until this point. So, that was very encouraging. I really had some prayer time throughout the day yesterday just asking God for affirmation and encouragement about what I’m doing here. I asked him to show me or speak to me some how about what it is I’m doing and then I have those interactions with those two friends of mine. I don’t know about everyone else but I typically take those occurrences and God answering my prayers.

So i say all that to say, I feel encouraged this morning and it’s a good feeling. When you’re in a place like I am this week, by yourself, away from your family, friends, and your typical surroundings, it’s easy to start self doubting and getting down on yourself at times. I do think that’s just part of a process like this though.

Thanks to everyone that has text me, sent me messages on Facebook, or made comments on my blog. It’s great to know that people are thinking and praying for me. I really do appreciate it a lot.

Ok, I’d better go catch the bus before I’m late for class. We’ll be working on making Panini and some other food menu items today as well as practicing specialty coffee drinks some more I’m sure. Latte art is tomorrow. If no one has seen Latte art, it’s really cool and something I’ve not seen in our area.

Oh, I’ve also found some sweet looking coffee shops around here. Maybe I’ll be able to share some pictures with everyone later tonight. MORE TO COME LATER…..